Recently I found this poem by Sarah Kays – The Paradox:
When I am inside writing,
all I can think about is how I should be outside living.
When I am outside living,
all I can do is notice all there is to write about.
When I read about love, I think I should be out loving.
When I love, I think I need to read more….
I spend most of my time wondering
if I should be somewhere else.
So I have learned to shape the words thank you…
On first read, the poem echoed my inner voice. How many of us spend more time than we’d like thinking we should be doing something else? Her words felt accurate and a bit frustrating. This “how I should be” voice seems to point to the horizon and imagine things would be just a bit better “if only.” Maybe the frustration comes from a belief that the most effective way “to be” in the world is to just be fully present to the current moment in life. Doesn’t spending time wishing ‘how I should be” spending time feel like a waste of time?
Yet, our minds do this work of wondering.
After a few more reads of Kay’s words, I am more accepting of these seesaws in our lives. Rich possibilities do pull us back and forth and tempt us. Rich possibilities keep us in motion and are reminders that life is amazing. This wondering, in and of itself, is a reminder of the abundance of choices at the heart of life.
In the stir of it all this spring, may our gratitude for the many forms life takes on, including our wondering, ground us.